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Dog in the house By JOANNE RICHARD, TORONTO SUN
Dog in the house
EMPTY NESTERS FIND A NEW PET HELPS THEM ADJUST TO LIFE WITHOUT KIDS
And of all pets, dogs rate the highest as a coveted new companion because "they remind people predomenantly of kids - they're more social and interactive," says Coren, a recognized expert on dog-human interaction and author of How Dogs Think: Understanding the Canine Mind (Simon & Schuster), adding, "the neat thing about dogs is they're very dependent and they have the mind of a two year old -- so they never ask for the car keys, and no matter what you say or do, they keep loving you."
What kind of dogs are hot? Two stand out, says Coren -- "the sucky-face dog like the Yorkie or pug.. Or the larger dog like the Golden or Labrador Retriever for comfort and safety."
Carol Crawford can attest to the utter devotion and commitment. Just like caring for her three daughters when they were infants, the 49-year-old Milton resident was up four to five times a night with her hairy charges -- Maggie and Angus, both Yorkshire Terriers.
"I didn't know what I was in for. Maggie, a tiny little dog that weighed 4 ounces kept me hopping! I would be up all hours of the night with her at first, and then rush home from work to see her and make sure she was okay," she says.
Crawford and her husband adopted Maggie three years ago after moving here from Montreal where her three daughters are. "I am very close to my girls. We did a lot together, so I bought a dog to help me through this difficult transition." A year later she adopted Angus to keep Maggie company.
"They make us laugh and bring me so much comfort. I can't believe that they sleep in bed with us. If anyone had told me this would be the case, I'd have said they were crazy!"
According to Hamilton counselor Heidi Cowie, it's not uncommon for people to fill an empty nest with a pet -- and the fur may fly.
She knows first hand. "My husband and I are in our early 50's -- quiet, clean, tidy, organized -- and what do we do? We adopt a dog from the SPCA. All our kids are grown and gone. We must be crazy!
"This morning the dog had to go out at 4 a.m. There we were walking the streets of suburbia at 4 a.m."
According to Cowie, an empty nest provides adjustment dilemmas for some, while others are anxious to experience the freedom and the newfound closeness with their partner or if they are single, the ability to come and go as they please.
After a few years of no kids around and total freedom, says Cowie, "we weighed the pros and cons of being tied down versus the fun a pet can be. We realized we are homebodies -- we never go anywhere anyway and when we do go, we will bring the dog."
She adds that 8-year-old Rocketman provides great comfort and warmth to their lives, and to her clients as a therapy dog: "We're too old to have more kids, we have traveled extensively over the years, and if we have a burning desire to go somewhere, we can hire a pet sitter or find a good kennel."
Cowie says pet love is unconditional. "We cannot deny that one of the basic needs of every human is to feel loved, valued and appreciated. Animals are great for that!"
Coren agrees: "They give you unconditional positive regard and there's definitely a comfort to be gotten from pets." He adds that dogs provide a real degree of social support and immeasurable health benefits.
Crawford admits the attachment runs deep: "My kids think I have gone a bit overboard -- they treat them like dogs and I guess I treat them like babies. The best thing for me is they fill a gap. They make me feel needed, and they give me so much love and affection in return.
"The only bad thing is the guilt I feel when I go to work every day and leave them -- kind of the way I felt when I would leave the kids at daycare."
DREN out, hairy children in.
What better to nuzzle and nurture than a vulnerable puppy -- or two -- when kids leave home and leave an empty nest behind.
"If you're a parent for long enough, it's a tough habit to break," says Dr. Stanley Coren. "We love to nurture things that look helpless and babyish."
For many, pets - be they dogs, cats, birds even gerbils -- become part of the empty-nest evolution.
And of all pets, dogs rate the highest as a coveted new companion because "they remind people predomenantly of kids - they're more social and interactive," says Coren, a recognized expert on dog-human interaction and author of How Dogs Think: Understanding the Canine Mind (Simon & Schuster), adding, "the neat thing about dogs is they're very dependent and they have the mind of a two year old -- so they never ask for the car keys, and no matter what you say or do, they keep loving you."
What kind of dogs are hot? Two stand out, says Coren -- "the sucky-face dog like the Yorkie or pug.. Or the larger dog like the Golden or Labrador Retriever for comfort and safety."
Carol Crawford can attest to the utter devotion and commitment. Just like caring for her three daughters when they were infants, the 49-year-old Milton resident was up four to five times a night with her hairy charges -- Maggie and Angus, both Yorkshire Terriers.
"I didn't know what I was in for. Maggie, a tiny little dog that weighed 4 ounces kept me hopping! I would be up all hours of the night with her at first, and then rush home from work to see her and make sure she was okay," she says.
Crawford and her husband adopted Maggie three years ago after moving here from Montreal where her three daughters are. "I am very close to my girls. We did a lot together, so I bought a dog to help me through this difficult transition." A year later she adopted Angus to keep Maggie company.
"They make us laugh and bring me so much comfort. I can't believe that they sleep in bed with us. If anyone had told me this would be the case, I'd have said they were crazy!"
According to Hamilton counselor Heidi Cowie, it's not uncommon for people to fill an empty nest with a pet -- and the fur may fly.
She knows first hand. "My husband and I are in our early 50's -- quiet, clean, tidy, organized -- and what do we do? We adopt a dog from the SPCA. All our kids are grown and gone. We must be crazy!
"This morning the dog had to go out at 4 a.m. There we were walking the streets of suburbia at 4 a.m."
According to Cowie, an empty nest provides adjustment dilemmas for some, while others are anxious to experience the freedom and the newfound closeness with their partner or if they are single, the ability to come and go as they please.
After a few years of no kids around and total freedom, says Cowie, "we weighed the pros and cons of being tied down versus the fun a pet can be. We realized we are homebodies -- we never go anywhere anyway and when we do go, we will bring the dog."
She adds that 8-year-old Rocketman provides great comfort and warmth to their lives, and to her clients as a therapy dog: "We're too old to have more kids, we have traveled extensively over the years, and if we have a burning desire to go somewhere, we can hire a pet sitter or find a good kennel."
Cowie says pet love is unconditional. "We cannot deny that one of the basic needs of every human is to feel loved, valued and appreciated. Animals are great for that!"
Coren agrees: "They give you unconditional positive regard and there's definitely a comfort to be gotten from pets." He adds that dogs provide a real degree of social support and immeasurable health benefits.
Crawford admits the attachment runs deep: "My kids think I have gone a bit overboard -- they treat them like dogs and I guess I treat them like babies. The best thing for me is they fill a gap. They make me feel needed, and they give me so much love and affection in return.
"The only bad thing is the guilt I feel when I go to work every day and leave them -- kind of the way I felt when I would leave the kids at daycare."
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PET PONDERINGS
Thinking of adding the pitter-patter of paws to your life? Well, be sure you're not barking up the wrong tree.
People really need to question whether a pet fits their lifestyle, say the experts. "Think about the temperament of the animal/dog -- you don't want a Dalmatian if you're a couch potato," says Hamilton counselor Heidi Cowie, president of Heidi Helps Counselling Services.
"Pet ownership requires the ability and desire to be consistent, fair, firm, flexible, loving and willing to put up with a messy house," adds Cowie.
According to therapist Bev Behar, for some people, a grown children leaving home provides a perfect opportunity for getting a new pet. "But buying a pet should always be thought through carefully, since the commitment is long-term and the care intensive."
She says a pet will provide some companionship, entertainment, recreation and furry hugs. It will also require care, commitment, planning, preparation and money. "It's okay if one spouse wants the pet more than the other, but it's vital that both are willing to accept the adoption with maturity."
With an empty nest, each person's emotional reaction and vision for the future may be different, says Behar, a registered marriage and family therapist in Thornhill.
Any issue that is important to both parties needs to be discussed with respect and consideration, she says. "It's important to take time to consider each person's perspective and the many pros and cons. It's unlikely to bode well if the animal becomes the reminder to one spouse that he or she is not respected and considered in a major decision."
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