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Bossy
Typecast the power figure in your work life
Bedard (not her real name) feels powerless when it comes to his endless demands and lack of empathy and people skills. "I can't afford to leave or I would. I'm just hoping he does first."
Well, just call him "Chucky Boss," an anti-social type who doesn't have much of a conscience and "is not grateful or loyal no matter what you do for him," according to Dr. Jay Carter. "When he's done using you, he will chuck you in the 'wasted' can."
And he's just one of a dozen terrible boss types that Carter writes about in his new book Nasty Bosses (McGraw Hill).
According to Carter, a psychologist and former corporate manager, a nasty boss is a force to be reckoned with -- "one that can wreak havoc on your life at work and at home. With a nasty boss, you're on the job around the clock; you worry about your job security while taking a shower; you waste the weekend simmering with anger over the latest office mandate."
Bedard, 49, an office manager, can relate to that: "The situation has caused me sleepless nights and has literally made me sick."
According to the experts, bad behaviour by snide superiors is common as pressure to perform and profit proliferates. That can bring out the worst in some managers while others are just belittling brutes to begin with.
According to Dr. Rick Kirschner, bosses who bully, browbeat, harass or are just plain incompetent, sabotage productivity and creativity. "Employees who base their actions on fear tend to miss important details, make mistakes and mess things up more often," he says, adding people wind up only doing what is necessary or required of them, rather than doing their best.
Kirschner is a speaker and best-selling author of Dealing With People You Can't Stand (McGraw Hill). Check out TheArtofChange.com.
According to Hamilton counsellor Heidi Cowie, "Prolonged exposure to a difficult person can affect a person's self-confidence and self-esteem. The ability to divide pressures at work from a person's home life is tough. We usually bring home our problems to talk about them, which puts stress on the family members.
She says that many people, who are not able to cope, find themselves on stress leave and can then be further stigmatized and harassed by bad bosses upon their return to work.
"Bad bosses are energy drainers, which means you need to surround yourself either at work or play, with those who are energy fillers," she says. "If they treat all employees the same way, realize that this is a problem with the boss not you. Being hurt is a choice -- we choose to give the bad boss power by allowing them to be hurtful."
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FILE UNDER CATEGORY
The Carrot Dangler: The boss who motivates with promises but never delivers.
The Crusader: Demands fanatical hard work and devotion but doesn't return the favour.
The Noper: The leader rejects your ideas only to later implement them as his or her own.
The MeMe Boss: This narcissist needs adoration; as long as you don't want or get any attention, things will be fine.
The Mood: Totally unpredictable, employees are held hostage to his or her ever-changing moods.
The Enmesher: Wants to know all about private life; limits and boundaries are unclear.
The Violator: Loves to victimize by dominating and invalidating.
The Invalidator: Fears domination, so intimidation, fear, and threats are used; always has to be right and win.
The Anal-izer: Judgmental and lacks insight, this boss spends a lot of time tending to details but doesn't see the big picture.
The Two-Face: This deceptive people pleaser tells everyone a different story.
"Some of these bosses we can deal with, and others need to become history so we can continue on in our careers," says Dr. Jay Carter, whose book Nasty Bosses offers strategies on dealing with the detested, without stooping to their level.
Nasty Bosses is available at leading bookstores and online.
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DEALING
Here are Dr. Rick Kirschner's five tips on dealing with a bad boss:
1. Be assertive, not passive or aggressive. "Pushy people have more respect for people who stand up for themselves than for people who attack or get bowled over. If the issue is criticism, ask for details."
2. Be responsible for your own emotions, rather than allowing them to determine how you feel.
3. If you find their demands are questionable, "tell them you want their directives in writing, so that responsibility for executing those directives rests with your boss rather than you."
4. Consult with their boss. Keep them informed of what's going on, and ask for their help in resolving problems. In fact, tell your boss you intend to do this before you do it, and invite them to come with you and explain themselves, since you can only represent your view of the problem accurately.
5. Documentation. Documents speak louder than words if you have to take action to protect yourself.
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A GOOD BOSS IS ...
According to psychologist Jay Carter, "good bosses have the ability to connect with people, acknowledge people and admire people."
This is called charisma -- "simply touching them, shaking hands, smiling, looking into their eyes directly." Carter says good bosses also show a genuine interest in people, realize their feelings and understand their thoughts. "Admiring people means looking for and verbalizing the good qualities in them. Good bosses respect others."
A good boss is someone who finds reward in seeing others succeed, adds counsellor Heidi Cowie. "They do everything they can to promote, educate, support, and guide an employee to be their very best."
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